Media control in our homes

Yesterday, I was reading an interview of Mary Rothschild by Richard Whittaker: Considering Media in the Light of Relationship and Attention. The interviewee speaks about the need to find a middle way between taking the attitudes of either extreme media fasting or being a complete slave to media. This is an issue close to my heart - as it must be for all parents who are conscientious about child-rearing.

I have found this a particularly hard balance to achieve: I do let the kiddos watch TV, goes without saying. But they are not allowed to watch it on school days. Neither are they allowed carte blanche on weekends or on vacation. I do not impose Animal Planet or "informative" programs on them either. Our 8-year-old is still enamored of cartoons. The elder is now addicted to sports or movies. The wars for the remote are quite frequent and ferocious, but subside quickly if I threaten them with no-TV-at-all. Then they make compromises for the greater good.

But one part of the media is all-pervasive and potentially destructive - advertisements. Till around two years ago, I was inundated with requests for specific products which were advertised very attractively on TV. Some were demanded because there were offers of free products with them. I soon grew tired of just saying "No" all the time. Over the past two years, I have shown both our sons time and time again how companies use these strategies to lure people into buying more. And how most of the "free things" were worthless pieces of low-quality plastic or tiny samples of one more product they were trying to popularize. 

Also I try to pass on how ads are designed to play on the viewers' insecurities. For example the ad of one hair oil shows a doctor saying, "In the matter of hair, I can't take a risk!" As though hair-fall is one of the greatest plagues on humankind! Only one other ad has the power to irritate me more which is that of a famous appliances company that also offers hair-styling tools. The ad shows a simpering actress who claims that if she styles her hair everyday, she gets gawks from males all around, which makes her boyfriend jealous,which in turn makes him give her treats and the clincher "that makes me feel special!!" It's wrong on sooooo many levels!!!! Gaah, the only reason that I don't break the TV while watching that ad is because I know that I won't be able to watch Masterchef Australia. Ahem.

So I turned to my children and asked them, "What is that aunty doing? Do you think she should feel special only if her boyfriend gives her treats?" I also asked them what a better message would be... and they astonished me by saying ... You can style your hair because you are special!!! I was so overjoyed. At least I have made them think a little beyond what they see. Also I tell them that there is absolutely no proof that the products can do all that they claim to do. Our younger one took it so much to heart that when he hears tall claims like those of health drinks, he turns to me and asks, "They are lying, aren't they, Amma? I still need to eat my veggies to become stronger and healthier, don't I?" Underlying his questions may be a slight hope of my saying that he need not eat his veggies, but still!!!!

My way of adopting the middle way is not to condemn all ads outright, but to make sure that the kids know that an ad is an art form that needs our critical appreciation - not blind allegiance or total disregard. There are ads that always touch our hearts, thrill our minds and earn our appreciation for content and direction. 

And yes, our kids know that when they see ads for club glasses, CDs and soda, they are actually watching ads for alcohol. What do you tell your children when they are watching ads?

And if you are interested in getting thought-provoking articles like the one at the top in your mail box, I have subscribed to dailygood.org.

Blessed Peace....

Hush, wait for it... Can you hear it now? Ignore the swish of the fan and the muted buzz of the washing machine... there, can you hear it? The absolute silence, the all-pervading peace that envelopes Karthi. Aaaah, it does me so much good that for the past 2 days I have been reveling in it kind of like a kitten that throws itself on its back on a sunny patch and wriggles in glee.

No more tramping of dirty feet that cross the living room floor into the kitchen in search of water and snacks at all times of the day (at one time I counted a round dozen boys in our home - friends, neighbors, city cousins of neighbors, ) ...

No more thwacks of the cricket ball against the front windows which invariably found its way there despite my edict that it was a wicket if the ball ever found its way into the front porch...

No more suddenly coming upon kids on the terrace and balcony trying to coax the ball from the coconut tree (which had hidden its prize within one of the innumerable pockets expressly designed to be ball catchers) and almost falling off ...

No more feet trampling my front border of plants, for if the ball went over to the next yard, all team members must gape over the wall and call instructions out to the retrievers (3 little jasmines were martyred in these noble attempts)...

No more being called to settle disputes about toys or arbitrate on the laws of chess at all times of the day...

No more just sitting down to some creative endeavor only to have to get up again to scold, console, patch up or feed...

No more having to deny multiple requests of, "We are done playing, may we watch TV?" sprang upon one at the most inopportune or distracted moments - I wonder what a 24x7 state of constant high alert does to one?

No more guilt-tripping for acceding to the above request out of sheer desperation occasionally...

No more going about the day's chores with one ear attuned to any lull in the noise that could presage anything from a sulking playmate to a medical emergency...

No more worrying about how to contain 6 or more balls of energy inside the house when it's raining.

No more having to posture with hands on hip and yelling at youngsters to come in from the rain and saying, "No, baseball caps are not adequate rain protection."

In short, no more constant Adulting, at least no more ... till next March!!!

Written in the peace and serenity that only a stay-at-home-mum of two boys can know at the beginning of a school year...

So... how was your summer?

Another precious year!

Yesterday someone celebrated a birthday here at Karthi.. Who? I'll show you...

Yup all of six years old and in the first grade! On June 2, the brothers finally stepped out in identical outfits - also known as school uniforms and I couldn't but help get all weepy...

 

...thinking about how all that pristine whiteness was destined for an untimely demise on the persons of my boys. By the way, I wasn't worried about the dress of the guy in the back, just so that you know :)

To think this guy started out like this...

and this...

... and is now going to regular school!!! (Now you see why I was concerned about the uniforms? If you have been trying to wash out the dirt in boys' white uniforms for years, you would cry too.)

And here I am left with useless things like these...

Is there anything more forlorn in this world than a couple of support wheels separated forever from a kid's bicycle? I couldn't help think that once kids grow up, parents will kind of look like that pair up there, all worn down to nothing, battered and completely useless for anything else. Okay the uselessness part may not be true :)!

And yes, I have to tell you the story of how those support wheels came off. Our younger kid is such a contrarian (yup, new word, describes Ani exactly) that he makes a production out of every little thing. I think I managed him well this time! 

At first I was fixing something on Kunjunni's bike when the little guy rolled his up with support wheels and all. I finished my fixing and just commented to his elder brother how great the smaller cycle would look once the support wheels were off and the side-stand was on. (Notice how wily I was, I did not make any direct suggestion to the owner of the bike! :))

Kunjunni played along and agreed. So Ani had to agree too and off we went to find the side stand and I fixed it to the cycle after removing the extra wheels. Kunjunni and I made a great production of how stream-lined and big-boy-like the bike was looking when Ani suddenly realized, "But I can't ride without support wheels!"

We poohpoohed the thought. It was easy as anything, we said and got Kunjunni to demo on his own cycle around the front yard (not that Ani hadn't seen it before, still). I offered support and pushed him around a little.

Then our contrarian had a humongous meltdown. He insisted that I reinstate the support wheels as he would never, never, ever be able to ride without them. I think now that he was not ready to let go of that aspect of his childhood so quickly.

Here, I was crafty again. I didn't stay to reason with him. I just said, "Oh, if you aren't ready to ride it like this, I had better give it away..." and beat a strategic retreat.

Then I went into my room and pretended to be working on something on my laptop. The little guy came in and made some tearful complaints. I did not even deign to look.

Soon, our front yard became the arena for desperate attempts to keep possession of a beloved bike. I did not dare peek out of the window for fear of him seeing me. But I could hear some falls and some riding. DH who had been working from home that day went out and made some congratulatory noises, so I knew there was some progress...

About a half hour's efforts later, Ani sidled into the room and tried to catch my eye while I gazed resolutely at the monitor. 

"Amma, come and see, I have learned to ride the bike without support wheels"

"Hmm... (very bass, very serious)"

"Would you like to come?"

"Ok.. (no enthusiasm at all, the danger is not over even at this point)"

Thus I went to the front door and witnessed that accomplishment which had been touted as impossible just half an hour ago and made appropriate congratulatory noises, but in a very subdued fashion.

Then I went back inside and did a victory dance all by myself.

Thus do parents pave the way, one stone at a time, to becoming redundant support wheels.

Finis.

A Dramatic Flipkart Delivery!

Yesterday was a VERY SPECIAL day at Karthi. It unfolded like this:

1:00 p.m: Ani, who didn't have to go to school yesterday, goes into our master bedroom and shouts out, "Amma, there is a cat here!" "Ok!" I say, assuming that it has left as soon as the kiddo hollers.

1:30: I go into the bedroom - note the time - and find Ani sitting on the floor stroking a cat who is lying on her side, relaxing. She barely lifts her head at me and I join the stroking fest. Her tummy looks huge, but from bitter personal experience I hold back from asking how far gone her pregnancy is, fearing a swipe with enraged claws if she isn't pregnant at all! Okay, may be she may just have had a VERY good meal! 

1:45: I tug a reluctant Ani off the floor for a siesta (lack of which can make him very crabby in the evening). He tries to sleep with his pillow at the foot of the bed so that he can watch the cat, but I put his pillow firmly at the head of the cot. 

1:50: We jump right off the bed because the cat makes an odd grunting sound. She comes out from under the bed, looking miffed at the desertion of her personal masseuse and climbs to the window seat and jumps out. Ani stands at the window and calls after her - she wavers a little, then walks off down the driveway.

3:00 pm: I rush into the bedroom because my phone's ringing near Ani who is sleeping. I notice that the cat is back in the room, still lying down under the bed. As I talk on the phone, I wonder vaguely if she needs medical help although she is not showing any distress. It's unnatural for adult semi-wild cats to stay put when they see us in our own territory.

6:30: After our evening prayer, I go into the master bedroom and pull my pile-of-washing-chair up to the bed and start sorting and folding clothes. I hear a rustling noise near the window seat and move the curtain to find that the cat is squatting in a Flipkart box under the window seat. Hmm, interesting... She is grunting and turning round and round. I finally give into my worst suspicion that she is going to have kittens and call up my Mom to confirm. She recommends putting the box and cat outside, but thinking of the distress she must be going through, I put it off...

Well the rest of the story would read like a National Geographic episode, so I will leave that part out. At the end.... Ta ...Da...

Can you see the tawny and the dark little heads there? We have now changed the name of our master bedroom to "delivery suite" and tiptoe around there. Before getting off the bed this morning, I remembered to use the flashlight to see whether I could put down my feet safely. The mom is very sweet-tempered even though she has to bear a lot of prying and flashing lights.

We left a bowl of milk and rice near the box in the morning, kept checking on it and found it licked clean at 10:30. I think the mom felt fit and peckish again by noon, because she left her precious bundles behind in our care for a while:

Today Kunjunni has had the day off from school as his exams are starting tomorrow. I made sure that the kids understand that they are  not to touch the kittens in any way because our scent on them could cause the mom to abandon her kittens. Okay, since that would not be enough to deter our cat-loving Ani, I also told them that he could startle the mom cat into attacking him although she looks too gentle and weary for that! :) The mom is back and the kitties are crawling all over her now.

I wondered if it is our old half-grown Chakki from this post, but looking at the pictures, I think it is a different cat. But somehow the word has got around that Karthi is a safe place for cats. All the people I called said it's great luck to be chosen for such a privilege and shows us that the cat trusts us so much. 

Sooner or later we will be moving them to the garage because claws and soft furnishings do not mix. But they are welcome to bowls of milk and rice at our doorstep as well as all the geckos they can eat from our pantry whenever they want! 

Signing off from the Feline Maternity Hospital aka Karthi!!!

How has the second month treated you?

Ok, I can hear you going, "हद हो गयी  Sreekala, why are you showing us pics of your bed sheets on the blog now?" Please bear with me for a while. Remember this?

That was the original set of plastic bags that I used to buy our monthly groceries. We reused them month after month, folding them meticulously after each use. But they slowly started giving way. We did get a few new plastic bags (after all we are not absolutely fanatically anti-plastic, yet!) But recently, there have been a couple of embarrassing giving ways of the old and worn handles - not good.

So that set me thinking - there was this old Rajasthani cotton bed sheet that developed a hole in the middle... so here goes!

Three beautiful, handmade shopping bags - double thickness and all seams stitched twice for strength. I know they are strong because I broke one needle trying to stitch them! They are reversible too, because I stitched both layers as separate bags and joined them together. And in keeping with my not-perfect traditions, they are all different in size (completely unintended) and my rather overenthusiastic "handle reinforcement " for my first bag looks like a kid's handiwork...

I choose to show this because with all that "purrrfect"eye-candy floating around in blogland, a novice could be paralyzed into inaction. If such a person sees this, they can go, "Hey, if she can do that, I sure can do better!" :) 

I am pretty inordinately proud of the handle straps that I cut off the strong borders and made in quadruple thickness... please note that the handles are attached way better on this bag!

But then I thought, hey 3 bags are not enough to tote our grocery! So I went searching and ta daaaah....

An old Bombay Dyeing number this time - my needle found this tougher, but I went so slowly and it felt like I was pushing the sewing machine needle myself for each stitch. The second one is still a WIP. Hopefully I will finish it before this Sunday when we will need it for our monthly shopping! And while writing this I got a brilliant idea to do the same to the pillow covers of the first bed sheet - just lop off the tops a little, stitch both together and attach handles, one more bag! :)

Meanwhile, DH, who started off the treasure hunts felt that the youngest member of our family was feeling left out. So he decided to do a number with pictures for the kindergartener...

Amazing drawings... because Ani recognized all of them and found his treasure: a Thomas the Engine book. He was heard to remark as he sat down, "Finallyyyyy, I got a treasure of my own!" 

Naturally his father was inspired to do more. This time he turned to coloring!!

The prize was a Bob the Builder book and equally welcome! 

Howz your kitchen garden going? Hadn't I told you that this is the Year of the Kitchen Garden? Stay tuned for our veggie updates!!!

Have you made any magic lately???

Childhood is a magical place... A bit of colored glass can become a secret key into a fantasy world. A stick can morph into a sword to conquer the world, a tyre tube can be an Audi or a towel can become a gorgeous gown. It takes very little to become whatever you want, whenever you want...

As parents, what can we do to make our kids' lives magical?  Of course we do all the grunt work to make them flourish. But apart from the occasional treats like making a favorite dish/dessert or giving in to a long-held demands for some toy does not constitute magic, does it?

In our family, we have certain clear-cut areas for helping out the kids. Anything related to school projects, studies etc. usually falls in my half. So does taking care of kids' artistic/creative pursuits. DH, with his busy schedule can hardly be expected to take part in such activities except on rare occasions. But he always takes an interest in all kids' activities and serves as both constructive critic and cheerleader.

Recently DH earned some serious brownie points for himself  in the parenting category. He has taken to making up treasure hunts for our fourth grader with chocolates or books to find out at the end! Which of us has not wished to go treasure-hunting at least once? 

In the first hunt in December, the clues were just pointers to different spots all over the house. Now he has progressed to tougher clues to get Kunjunni to solve puzzles and riddles in order to find the location of the next clue. Needless to say, I am sometimes roped in by Kunjunni as the wise witch who helps with clues (I keep demanding increasing shares of the booty for each clue I help with! :D).

The latest treasure hunt included a crossword puzzle at the end with cricketing clues. Even I couldn't answer some of them! But I'm sure Kunjunni will remember the answers his father helped him with for a long time. Probably longer than he remembers what the actual treasure was.

It takes real time and love for the activity to make up such a magical experience for the kids. Not to mention remembering the little kid in oneself! Now I am slightly envious, for not having thought up the idea and for not having had a Dad like this!!! 

Yes, some times putting the bread and butter on the table is unappreciated. So is all the disciplining that makes well-behaved and caring citizens out of kids. But things like this, I am sure, will stay fresh in kids' memories for ever. 

So, have you made some magic in your kids' lives recently?

Our New Niece... and Some Thoughts on Being a Mom

Last weekend we drove down to Kottayam to visit our new niece who hasn't been named yet. She is two weeks old now and sooooo tiny. Here she is with her doting uncle and adoring cousin...

She fits into the crook of one arm and her tiny fist fits on to the end of her uncle's little finger

It was great to have an infant sleeping in the crook of my arm once again. I think one appreciates a newborn better when it's someone else's baby! For one, I was not sore and hurting all over. And then, I just had to hand her over when she needed to be changed or fed!!

Jokes apart, I must admit that motherhood has been one of the most fulfilling parts of my life so far. A lot of women commented recently after watching the Blessy movie Kalimannu that they would love to conceive once again just for the sake of enjoying the pregnancy and infant care like Shwetha does in the movie. I have no such regrets because I thoroughly enjoyed both my pregnancies - even with all the discomforts and scares - it is a very special feeling to be able to nurture another being within and feel all their movements. I used to talk to both my babies, rubbing my tummy wherever I felt them move. Ahh, sweet memories.

There is nothing like motherhood to build character too. I hate getting injections. Even today when I go for a blood test, I look away and tense up when the needle comes near. But when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in my first pregnancy, I pricked my fingertips four times to check my blood sugar and gave myself three insulin shots EACH DAY for three months. Nothing but the concern for the well-being of my child could have made me do that!

Each pregnancy and each baby is unique. You learn things as you go along. Here are some things that I learned along my journey of pregnancy and motherhood...

1. Knowledge is power: Read up on pregnancy and newborn care. Dr. Spock's classic book and What to Expect When You are Expecting are great. My only problem with the latter is that they also a outline all that can go wrong in each month of pregnancy in gory detail. So I just looked at the first part of each chapter at the beginning of that month.
2. It is okay to be scared: Starting with fears of losing the baby during pregnancy, I graduated to checking my firstborn's breath with a trembling forefinger each time he slept quietly for more than half an hour at a stretch. I still remember those long periods when I used to stare at his sleeping form and wonder how in the world I was going to bring up this morsel of humanity as a sound and upright citizen of the world when I myself was so far from perfect. The answer is: Have faith and take one day at a time.You will be more confident with your second child!
3. The best child-soothing method: The 5S method of Dr. Harvey Karp - swaddling, side, shushing, swinging and sucking. I think his DVD should be part of a new-parent kit everywhere. We were failing dismally at trying to soothe our firstborn when we heard of this DVD. It was like getting a magic wand. Some things that astonished us - newborns don't like absolute silence! They WANT to be closely confined in a receiving blanket! They should be cuddled and carried close till they are three months old!
4. Adapt to the baby's schedule: I took on too much with our first baby. I did my chores in the daytime when he was sleeping and was kept awake at night when he didn't want to sleep. Result: by the end of one month, I was almost ready to be straitjacketed with lack of sleep. Lesson learned. Sleep during the day time when the baby sleeps. Do your chores when he is awake at night. That way you'll save yourself from insanity.
5. You CAN take care of a newborn by yourself: I've seen that Indian women have been tutored to think that new mothers are incapable of looking after a baby by themselves. Wrong. I bathed, changed and took care of both my babies all along. Three months after the birth of the first one and one month after that of the second, I was back to handling everything at home on my own. It's great to have these duties taken off one's hands if there are people around, but it is by no means impossible to do it all by oneself.
6. Each child is on a unique schedule: From the moment a baby is born, people start asking, "Has the baby turned over on his tummy yet?" "Has he started crawling/teething/walking?" There is no fixed age for all this. My firstborn teethed at 7 months, my younger one still had no teeth on his first birthday! My cousin's son didn't wait to crawl - he just started walking at 5 months! So please don't compare your baby's milestones to that of others and worry about it. Only the outer time limits set for each milestone should be used as a guide.
7. All parenting styles are valid: Some parents go about with boiled water and sterilized cups for their babies and children. Others use tap water. Some allow their kids to eat street food, others don't. Some let their kids mingle with neighbor's kids, others don't. Some put their children in a crib in a separate nursery once they are home, others put two double beds together and get the whole family to sleep together till the kids go off to college or get married. You make your own rules for your family or follow the rules that you inherited. They are all valid!!!

Here are some pregnancy and child care myths that I busted :) :

• New mother has to rest on her back as much as possible for the first three months: Naah!
• New mother should not read because it will spoil her eyes: Naaaaaaah!!! But then I was already severely myopic! :)
• Holding babies for a long time even while sleeping will make them reluctant to be put down later: Naah! In fact, they need that cuddling for the first three months to complete their brain development according to Dr. Harvey Karp.
• New mother should have her stomach bound tightly to get tummy back in shape: It is better to do exercises that strengthen the abs and remember to straighten your back by holding in the tummy muscles.

Above all, enjoy your children's childhood along with them. Enjoy holding tight on to those tiny fingers and listening to their tall stories. Cuddle down with them whenever you can. Tickle them like anything, do any amount of clowning to hear that laughter. Watch them while they are sleeping and feel your heart ready to burst with love. Their childhood is a God-gifted chance for you to become a child again. Enjoy it while it lasts!!!

Rameswaram and Dhanushkoti

It's no fun typing without all 10 of one's fingers. I am an old-fashioned touch-typist. When two fingers are out of commission with huge burn-blisters bulging at their ends, typing becomes very painful. So after two attempts in which I tried to remember to use other digits for the letters frequented by the left middle and ring fingers and succeeded in only hurting myself more, I gave up trying to post this last week. Much better now, thank you!

I left off our journey at the river-mouth of the Vaiga. Well, we passed on to that man-made marvel which held the record for the longest sea-bridge in India for a long time - the Pamban bridge, along with the railway bridge that connects Rameswaram to the mainland. It stretched and stretched ahead of us...

The bridge is now under renovation and fortunately we were allowed to stop and take pictures. Here is the drawbridge part of the railway bridge...

Boats dotting the bay and lined up against the island shoreline...

 

 

And here's all of us on the windy bridge...

As we drove on, our brother-in-law called to check if we were in any trouble with Phailin, but we replied that she had spared the whole of Tamil Nadu for the time being. On being told that we were heading into Rameswaram, he told us to go straight to Dhanushkoti first since that trip was time consuming and they did not allow tours after 5 pm. It was already one in the afternoon, so we decided to postpone lunch, snacked to keep up our energy and drove through Rameswaram on to the straight road to Dhanushkoti.

DH wondered if we were on an airstrip rather than a road. Later we came to know that this road was actually built over the railway line that had extended up to Dhanushkoti before that fateful cyclone in 1964. 

Soon, we reached a stretch of the road that was bound on both sides by long walls and found sand encroaching on the road. Finally there were only a few sand dunes and kaccha huts around us - mostly stalls selling soft drinks and snacks on both sides. There is a paid parking site near the Navy Observation Post. From there, we were packed into one of these with 20 other people!

Gee, I didn't know that tempos could be used for off-roading, but that is what they were doing. We bumped and swayed over the dunes and rocks (good thing we'd skipped lunch), our driver  jumping off several times either to check whether his vehicle was still in one piece or to help out other drivers who had some trouble with their ramshackle vehicles. There were times when we seriously doubted whether we could make it back to the parking lot that day itself...

And then there we were - just a stone's throw away from Sri Lanka (if one can throw a stone for about 18 km!!). The sun on the sand and the frothy waves was blinding and the sea was all shades of blue. Large wading pools dotted the beach and little fish swam in all of them. It was totally unlike any other beach I've seen. Sand for far as the eye can see and tidal pools glinting everywhere. 

But one can't afford to stand and stare or take lots of photographs standing, sitting and lying down when one has to look after two active boys. So most of my time on the beach was spent shouting at them to come away and anxiously scanning the waves for friends of the jelly fish we saw in the Vaiga.

I allowed them to wade in only the shallowest of the tidal pools where I could see the bottom clearly.  But I did take a chance to wade in one murky pool which was knee deep for me! 

Then our tempo driver herded us back into our camel-safari (the same swaying and same pace) and jiggled us all up to the ghost town of Dhanushkoti. Trying to negotiate my way to the ruins through the sand, I did wish I were a camel!  These are all that remain of a once-busy railway station where passengers to and from Sri Lanka used to throng...

The last train to reach this station was thrown off its rails and all passengers were drowned in the huge tidal waves that came in from the Gulf of Mannar.  And no one knew about it till the communication lines were opened up a couple of days later. This church...

and a few other broken buildings...

are all that is left of a once-bustling port and seaside village. Now all one can see are coconut-thatched stalls of vendors selling seashell items.

Why did the walls of the church look as though they had been under the sea for a long time?

All too soon, the return journey was over. In comparison with the splendid and tragic desolation of Dhanushkoti, the town of Rameswaram appeared squalid and constricted except for a huge square near the temple. We had a pretty tough time finding a hotel room, but were fortunate to secure a good room in a hotel that had a very clean restaurant too. We set out in time for the evening darshan of Lord Siva at whose feet Lord Sree Rama had worshipped before setting off across the sea to fight Ravana.

I have no idea why the temple authorities in India choose to plaster the facades with huge notices that block all the wonderful architectural details. Can you make out the entrance there?

The first thing one notices on entering the temple premises is the all-pervading wetness. There are 22 wells (theerthams) in the temple. Devotees are supposed to first take a ticket for the whole round of theerthams. The theerthams are all numbered and there are helpful boards in the temple to show you the way to the next set of wells as soon as you are done with one. At each well, they draw bucketfuls of water and pour it over your head (you can also go the route of sprinkling the theertham over your head as I did, just make sure that the temple staff know in advance before they splash water all over you). There are changing rooms at the end of the circuit where one can change into dry clothes and then go inside for darshan.

Travellers' tip:  The outer parikrama path is extremely slippery at places. Be sure to walk very carefully over the stretches where there is no plastic matting. My advice would be to stop using a pumice stone on your heels for one month before planning to visit. Let the scales roughen on your soles and cracks bloom on your heels, as you will need every bit of traction :).

The last and 23rd theertham is the Agni theertham which is the sea itself. As the dusk deepened, we made our way down to the sea. The kids had enjoyed the theertham route and spent some time relaxing on the sea wall, hair all tussled from the vigorous towel-drying by their scaredy cat mom...

The next day, we set off back to Thiruvananthapuram, following the coastal high way almost down to Thoothukkudi, then cutting across to Tirunelveli. There was nothing to look at but scrub-land and huge tilled fields waiting and praying for the rains. But then I saw a curious contraption being pushed along by several ladies and took a closer look...

It's a cart to hold exactly six large pots of water! Gone are the days when those poor women had to carry two pots on their head and one in each hand. Bless the persons who thought up this extremely labor-saving push-cart to lighten those women's loads! They made a very colorful sight all along that way with brightly colored plastic pots of all hues...

As we approached Tirunelveli, the only really green patch of land appeared near the Thambarani river, which to our delight had water in it and was surrounded by fields of light-green paddy seedlings!

We decided to break our journey in Tirunelveli for a while and since our Gmaps pointed out the way correctly, one-way et al., we decided to "stretch our legs" in Chennai Silks. When we got out from there, DH proposed stretching our legs again in RMKV that was just across the road. But since I had sensed his credit card groaning and grinding its teeth in Chennai Silks, we decided to have lunch and then leave RMKV for the next time.  Soon enough we were back on the NH 7, enjoying its world-class quality and fortunately no jay-walkers or traffic offenders this time.

On the way, I kept trying to take pics of this little hill that played hide and seek with the highway..

That is when our little kiddo asked me this, "Amma, how are hills and mountains made?" I toyed with the idea of throwing the plate tectonics theory at the five-year-old, then confessed, "I have no idea, baby..."

"Oh, I know how they are made!"

"Indeed? How?"

"First you take a hill egg, put it on the ground and cover it with soil. Then pour some water over it and the hill will grow up."

"Uh, okay, probably", I said as DH and I exchanged sly, all-knowing smiles over this cute theory. And that is exactly when our kid gave us this facer...

"Really? I was just pulling your leg. I KNOW that is NOT how hills are made."

Oh well, I guess he's growing up! Boo hoo!

Phew, isn't that a long post! No way I could've done it with just 8 fingers working! No siree!

Wish You All a Happy (Soggy) Onam!

All my flower-gardening efforts were mainly geared towards one purpose: starting an Onam pookkalam tradition at Karthi. For that sole reason I gathered and planted my old, native favorites,  Chemparathi, Chethi, Nanthyarvattam, Banthi, Vaadamulla, Kolambi etc. For two years the soil and weeds resisted my efforts strenuosly, but I prevailed with the help of heaps of cow manure and biogas waste water. This year, all my efforts literally bore flowers. I happily looked forward to the dawn of Atham....

And it rained... on Atham, Chithira, Chothi and has gone on raining since then!!! Here was our puny, soggy attempt for Atham in defiance to the climate...

It's no fun pulling soggy flowers off the plants, so I went for minimal damage. Well, we'll do it next year for sure!!! Meanwhile I'll find more old favorites and concentrate on growing them in this exceptionally rainy year! 

And this grainy old picture took me on a nostalgic trip down memory lane...

That's me in the middle with my cousins on either side. Now do you wonder why I want to revive this tradition? 

Meanwhile someone has come visiting at Karthi. The first thing she did was to scare me out of my wits when I opened our back door at dusk two days ago. The next morning she turned up again at my back doorstep and continually complained while I hung up the day's washing (a very optimistic endeavor in this climate - hanging up washing, that is!). I had to take pity and offer something. 

She was wary and waited till I was quite out of the way before touching the bowl of milk that I put out. Looking closely, I could see why. Her right eye and surrounding area was swollen as though she had been beaten and her long fur concealed a bag of bones. 

Well, I think she has adopted us. She came to the front porch yesterday afternoon and shamelessly asked for more food. She lapped it all up and then professed her thanks by rubbing herself against my legs. I forbade further intimacies although the kids were ready to tango with her. I wanted to make sure that she had no infectious diseases and was scared that we may further hurt her bad eye.

Anyway, the cat is a fixture on our front porch now. I give her food in our back shed, but she comes back to the front porch, sits cozily on the front mat and even knocked twice on the door in an attempt to get in. Clearly she is accustomed to domestic comforts. Since I had warned the kiddos of fleas etc., the first time she tried to leap on to Anikkuttan's lap, Ani ran away screaming. I laughed my head off. When I invited her into my lap, she willingly came in and cuddled up, purring and butting her head against me. I checked her fur and skin for fleas or bites and found that she is nothing but a half-grown kitten. When I let her out, she made friends with Ani...

He chatted with her, asked whether she would prefer to be named after any of the girls in his class and generally took good care not to hurt her eye (which looks much better today). May be it's time we have a pet? 

It's considered good luck here when a cat chooses one's house as its home. Well then, we are blessed this Onam, even if we couldn't make pookkalams.

So here's a bunch of wishes for a Happy Onam and hoping you all had better luck with your pookkalams!!!

Don't be fooled!!!

We all want the best for our family, right? Especially when it comes to our kids. We want them to have a better education than we have had. We want them to stay ahead of the pack, never be behind at anything, never lack for anything...

Thus we become sitting ducks for every person/ corporate who has a child-oriented business. Right from the moment the baby is conceived, we are exhorted by "child experts" to let the fetus listen to the compositions of classical greats! Once the baby is born, we are sold umpteen contraptions to make the child more intelligent, better informed and a WINNER in all aspects.

The favorite tag line of most of these businesses is "leave the child to us during this age to this age when their brain development is at the highest". For example, when high-end "designer" pre-schools approach you for custom, they remind you that "the brain develops the most from birth to the age of three" and admonish you for having let your six-month-old waste 6 precious months of optimum brain development by having been at home with you. So you are urged to pack him/her off complete with baby formula. And within just six months you are supposed to beam proudly when your baby toddles up to the pictures on the preschool's colorful wall and points out the planet Neptune to you.

But hey, wait! Today I saw an ad for a health drink that assured me that all I need to make my 8-year-old a precocious scientific prodigy is to give him that drink from age 7-14 when - again - "the brain develops the most". Ahem, I'm confused. You mean, my kids' brain didn't stop growing the moment they turned three??? Can I finally redeem myself for not sending both my kids to pre-kindergarten by just giving them the health drink?!! Oh, how guilt-ridden have I been!!!

 

As the number of choices for co-curricular, extra-curricular and sport activities increase around us, it is easy for us to become bewildered and feel that our kids are losing out by missing one or the other, be it learning Vedic mathematics or cricket coaching or acting classes. 

I am no child expert, but I do have the leisure to observe the rat race several parents throw themselves into willingly and then complain and worry all the time. Here is my advice for what it is worth:

1. Whenever possible, take care of your kids by yourself. If you are a stay-at-home-mum/papa, don't feel bad that your child is not having a classy education by not going to a designer pre-school. Watching you doing home chores, playing with you and getting all the hugs and kisses that you give all day are the best studies in the world.
2. Working parents, don't  despair. Instead of sending kids to the ones that just promise the best brain development, try and find a place where they will be treated with love and care, a place where they will feel secure.
3. Don't worry at all about early brain development - the brain develops throughout our lifetime - as evidenced by my being able to learn how to ride a scooter at the age of 38. Ok, bad example. But consider this,  80-year-old illiterates can learn to read and write. So what makes you think that your child's brain won't develop past a certain age?
4. Whenever possible, let the kids help with chores around the house. This will mean keeping quiet when they make sloppy jobs of it, (I for one find it pretty tough to tolerate that too!) But encourage any effort from them with dollops of praise. Our 5-year-old wielded the rake today when I was weeding. I let him help and thanked him for wanting to do it. And let them play as much as they want in the kitchen. 
5. Put a limit to co- and extra-curricular activities. For those children who demonstrate extraordinary talent, go all out in encouraging them and training them. But not all children demonstrate such talent at early ages. For such children, just one extra-curricular activity is enough. Give kids some downtime each day to unwind and just play by himself/herself or raise hell with siblings. 

If you are a naturally competitive parent and consider all this advice bosh, you are free to do so. It takes all kinds to make the world go around and I'm glad for your existence. But if you are a slightly bewildered parent who is not sure/ feel guilty about your kids missing out, this is for you. It can be unnerving, I have been there. Be confident, push back at those who are trying to foist their child-oriented businesses on you.

And no, no health drink can make your child the tallest/ the strongest/ a mini Einstein. Ask your kid whether they want to BE an Einstein in the first place!!!

The Way of the Artist

There is a saying that "Great art comes only from great suffering". I have my own opinions about that, but recently I saw an instance of the same happening  in real life. 

Last Saturday DH, our kindergartener and I were out shopping for groceries. We also needed a replacement bulb for our living room light fixture and had taken an old bulb as sample. On our way back, I casually glanced at our son on the back seat. It seemed the kiddo had grown very fat cheeks all of a sudden and there was a black screw bottom poking out of his mouth. I let out a gasp and pulled the bulb out of his mouth. Fortunately it was still in one piece.

DH was not about to let it go at that. He suddenly swerved on to the road's shoulder, slammed the brakes and took several partially successful swipes at the backseat occupant while I let loose a diatribe on the consequences of putting a bulb in one's mouth. Needless to say, my lecture was drowned in the frantic shrieks and scarpering to get away from his father's hand.  On the whole, we were greatly thankful that he was unharmed.

Later that evening we were all engrossed in our weekend activities when the kiddo came up to us with his Magna Doodle and showed us his sketch:

His explanation: "This is me when Acha comes to pinch me..."

Bears a close resemblance to this, hein? I assure you that our kid has never seen this painting ever before this. Makes you think what horrors little Munch must have gone through???

See how true art is created? Here is our own little Edvard Munch with his life experience sublimated to high art:

Kochi Biennale, look out, here is your future contributor!

And yes, after we were spent from our guffaws, I did take our almost-5-year-old aside and explain with great calm and emphasis about the consequences of trying to illuminate one's insides with anything other than an endoscope. Yep, that's sorted out now.

What does it take to make you happy?

The latest iPhone?

A huge promotion?

A giant shopping spree?

Sometimes teeny tiny things are enough to make people happy, like this...

A few dried leaves, a few twigs...

It made him a king for half an hour

Lord of all he surveyed...

Best of all, it brought out his lovely smile.

Ani was so pleased with the crown I made that he wore it to school last month (you can tell I was desperate to keep him from mischief while we were waiting for the school bus?!) AND brought it intact at the end of the day. He said his teachers and friends had admired the crown and his teacher had kept it on top of a cupboard for safekeeping till the end of the day. Isn't Montessori great?